A Change to Cherish

“I cherished the program. Cedar House to me is sacred ground because it’s where I first learned the 12 Steps and the Serenity Prayer.”

Jerry struggled through years of challenges with addiction, crime, homelessness, relapses and custody battles. Once he came to Cedar House directly from prison for the first time in 2011, the initial foundation was laid for a lifetime in recovery. 

At the age of 15, Jerry began hanging around of group of guys who used him to buy their beer. He was a quiet kid who happened to look older than he was, so they invited him to party with them. They convinced him to drink beer and try smoking weed. Although it made him sick, he still recalled the “overwhelming feeling” of being high for the first time and starting to get hooked. He said, “It was a classic, textbook case. It had a snowball effect. Marijuana really is a gateway drug. After that, I got into cocaine, which led to the criminal system.”

Every time Jerry got into trouble with the law, it was directly related to his drive to pay for more drugs and alcohol. He said, “To sum it up, I was a tore-up drug addict.”
By the time he turned 40, he had been in and out of the prison system for most of his life. The court system allowed him to move into a program called His House where he got accustomed to rising at 5:30 a.m. and having his morning coffee over prayers and self-help books with fellow clients. He was technically still in custody but starting to desire a real change in his life. 

The Department of Corrections moved him to Cedar House for residential treatment. After 25 years, he was finally sober. He and four of his new friends kept up their early morning routine there. They learned more and more about recovery and started to understand how they could change their lives. The more he learned, the more he wanted to know more. He had so many questions! He would catch staff in the hallway and ask for their guidance to deepen his understanding of the recovery process.

After five and a half months of sobriety, Jerry relapsed. His mom had a stroke and became hospitalized. His case manager took him to the hospital to see her and reviewed the 12 steps on the way there. A few days later, he went with his cousin and stayed overnight. Since he was still in court custody during that time, he wasn’t allowed to return to Cedar House. He stayed by her side for another week, but the stress led to drinking, and the snowball effect began again.

Jerry moved from smoking crack to meth and even both at the same time on occasion, which caused dangerous behaviors and hallucinations. When he was arrested four years later in 2015, he asked to return to Cedar House. He said, “They had really impressed me. They got me sober. I knew the info they gave me was real. It was life changing.”

During his experience with mental health court in sober living, he had some time to think. He was 49 years old and knew he would lose everything if he didn’t commit to his recovery. He visited his counselors at court and perked up when they said his first 90 days would be at Cedar House. 

In the Cedar House lobby as he awaited his turn for intake, Jerry noticed another client looking at him. This man ended up being his roommate. At night, Jerry would try to leave the door ajar to read the Big Book by that sliver of light, but his roommate would yell at him to shut the door so they could all sleep. Jerry said, “The Big Book became my bible. I went to groups, worked out, read the Big Book, and asked questions.”

He didn’t want to fight with his roommate, so Jerry would bring his book into the bathroom to read at night. This routine of reading and focusing on the program laid a solid foundation for Jerry. That roommate became his sponsor, and they have stayed close every since. After 90 days, Jerry moved into sober living. He attended Sunday night meetings and panels until 2018.

That’s when Jerry’s mother passed away. He had regained custody of his children, but after relapsing, they were taken back into the system. He said, “I was crumbling. By the grace of God, I realized I was going to lose everything. I realized if I keep drinking and using, my kids will stay in the system.”

He said, “I had to take a deep breath and deal with the disappointment of relapse.”
On Dec. 29, 2019, Jerry committed himself once again to his recovery. He reflected back on the staff at Cedar House and said, “I remember everything they said. I would call and talk to Mike (his case manager). Every time he told me something, it rang true or eventually it would come true.”

Jerry is proud of everything he learned at Cedar House and the fact that he’s been able to mend his relationships with his family. With the help up Step Up, Jerry and his son are in stable housing. Now, he has four years of sobriety and earned his certified peer support license to help others on their path to recovery. 
A Change to Cherish
By 7000873882 January 29, 2025
When Steven was in his final days of treatment at Cedar House, he took time to write about his experience and share his story with his group. This is his heartfelt reflection in his own words: My name is Steven, and I am a recovering drug addict. Throughout my life I have used a variety of drugs from marijuana, cocaine, meth, and heroin to fentanyl. There would be times when I would hear people share and say that they are just like me. But I am not going to do that today, because I have no idea of what your stories are. What I would like to do is share a little bit of my story and what I have been through, and maybe you can relate to it. In my story, I took a path with so much pain and adversity. I would hide the pain from everyone. At a very young age, I was molested. This started my journey of PTSD and drug addiction. I would hide and isolate from people because I was terribly afraid of what people would think of me. I felt ashamed for what had happened to me. So, when my sister offered me drugs at a young age, I did them with her, and I felt a sense of relief. It would numb the pain and embarrassment that I felt from what had happened. My self-pity drove me into doing more and more drugs. I would blame myself for what that person did to me. I was so angry that I had no control over what had happened. I was just a child. I bottled up my feelings and buried them deep down inside. It would eat at me every day -- day in and day out. Growing up, the pain would lurk its ugly head. The worst it ever got was when I was alone in the dark. I felt so much fear growing up. This is something I had to overcome and learn from. Life is so interesting. It makes us walk through different paths of choices. We are unable to see the destruction and pain we are about to go through. These challenges mold us and makes us the people we are today. There are two experiences that I would like to share with you today. The first is my divorce and the second is the death of my sister. These events steered me into a life of addiction, and I hope my message can help change at least one life. I know that I felt exhausted from the life of chasing -- chasing for a cure that would never appear. My divorce was not something simple. It ate at me every day. I got there through a series of issues that happened. I was fired from my job. I had to sell my home that I bought for my now ex-wife and my unborn son. I sat and cried in my son's room alone because I felt like a failure. During all of this, I was hiding my addiction until I couldn't handle it anymore. My wife found out and kicked me out of our apartment. I felt so angry, I felt like she threw me out like trash. I was acting like a child, instead of dealing with it like I should have. I was so hard on myself. I felt like I was losing control, but the lesson to this is to allow things to go. I needed to surrender to this. I also learned that I needed to ask for help instead of hiding from the issues. This takes me to my next lesson -- when my sister passed. When my sister passed away, it was seven days of hell. She passed due to multiple abscesses, one on each arm and one in her stomach. I stayed up for seven days changing her bedding because she would either defecate or urinate on herself. I cleaned her and watched her as she tried to sleep but couldn't because of the pain. I tried to plead with her to let me call 911 because at the time, I had no idea what was happening. She would say, "No, I want to wait for mom to come home." Our mother was away on vacation visiting family out of the country and would return in seven days. I can still hear her cries of agony, day after day. She made me promise that I wouldn't call 911 until our mother returned. So, I kept that promise and kept her secret. I never knew what an abscess was and how serious it would become. After the 7 days were up, our mother returned home. The next morning, we called 911. My mother was frantic and didn't know what to do. Even in agony my sister lied to the EMTs; she said nothing about her use. My sister wanted our mother to not find out her secret. I couldn't stay quiet any longer, I told the EMTs everything, but it was too late. My sister passed away after two days. The doctors tried to take the contaminated blood out of her system, but nothing they did helped. It was just too late. Prior to all of this, I would plead with my family to help my sister. They just did not want to believe that there was a problem. During her funeral, everyone was upset and saying they could have done this or that. I was so disgusted with my family that I didn't attend. I wanted to remember my sister by the good times and not the last seven days of her life. I felt so much guilt over what had happened. I had to deal with the pain. I had to let go of the resentment, anger, fear, sadness, judgement, secrets, hurt, blame, and guilt. I had to put my faith in something more. I had to put my faith in a higher power. So, I had to make some changes in my life. I started making commitments. Making a commitment every day to stay sober requires faith. If I make the necessary changes, things will get better. I need to accept that some choices and things are out of my control, and I need to be okay with that. I will trust myself in making the changes that are needed and have pride in myself. My selfishness will be in my sobriety and not in negative actions towards people. Faith can be anything I desire it to be. Cedar House has taught me to take responsibility in myself, my actions, my behavior and, most importantly, in my addiction. Throughout this journey, I have learned to love myself again, to work on my character defects, and to gain so many new brothers in sobriety. In life, so many people make mistakes, and you can choose to get up and make the necessary changes or get beat down. And I was beat down over and over again. I walked into rehab beaten, bruised, and broken. It was challenging, but over time the bruises healed and the bones that were broken started to heal as well. I am grateful to overcome the mountain of rehabilitation. I didn't do this by myself. It took a brotherhood of men who were broken and beaten, too. We all faced our fears in our own time. It also took the patience and care of our counselors. They gave us guidance and advice that we desperately needed. They were the lighthouse to our battered ships. Without them we wouldn't know which way to steer. To my brothers in the war of sobriety, I say, my love goes out to you, to the ones who are healing, and to the ones who still need help. To the staff of Cedar House, no amount of gratitude will express how much I am thankful for. You revived my broken soul. I will end with one final thing to my brothers, you're not alone.
By 7000873882 January 23, 2025
As a teenager, Sabrina overcame the challenges of bouncing around numerous foster and group homes, frequently being rejected for her sexuality. She emancipated from the system and prepared herself to start school. The company she kept, unfortunately, led her down a dark path instead. The young woman with whom Sabrina had a relationship since the age of 15 was a drug addict. She used meth on a regular basis and tried to convince Sabrina to join her. Sabrina wasn’t interested. As a matter of fact, she argued with her girlfriend time and again begging her not to use. But ultimately, there came a time when Sabrina lost that argument and was persuaded to try using meth herself. She was living in a group home in Pasadena when it happened. Sabrina said, “I can’t count how many group homes and foster homes I had lived in.” Her girlfriend and roommate surprised her by using meth in her room while she was in the shower. She said, “I was scared of meth. I wouldn’t touch it.” When she entered the room and saw that they were using, they fought for a long time before her girlfriend finally said, “If you love me, you’ll try it.” And that was the final straw. Shortly after that first experience with meth, Sabrina and her girlfriend, both addicted, were kicked out of the group home. She was homeless, hadn’t started school and was barely getting by with cash aid and food stamps. Even at times when Sabrina wasn’t interested in getting high, her girlfriend would manipulate her into using. Sabrina lived under a bridge on a binge in Pomona for three years. During that time, she met up with an old boyfriend which led to an unexpected pregnancy. She said, “I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I went into labor. I was so high and so skinny.” The paramedics immediately took the baby girl away, but that was a turning point for Sabrina. She said, “I fought tooth and nail to get her back.” Her social worker asked if she would be willing to go to rehab in order to gain custody of the baby, and Sabrina wholeheartedly agreed. She called every day to inquire about getting into a residential program. In March 2018, she was admitted to the Maple House program. She simply wasn’t ready. During her stay at Maple House, she was rude, disobedient and angry. By May she had made very little progress, and her behavior led to her dismissal from the program. A few months later, she entered another rehab program where she served as kitchen coordinator and began to make some progress toward sobriety. She got in trouble there for breaking rules and was dismissed from that program as well. Next, she tried an outpatient program and continued staying clean and sober. She moved into a sober living facility. When one of her drug tests came out questionable, she had to leave that home, too. She said, “I ended up losing my home and losing faith again. I went back to the streets in Pomona.” On February 21, 2019, her social worker managed to get her back into the treatment program at Maple House. This time she was ready. She loved her counselors and learned so much from them. Sabrina said, “They really helped me through it. Rosanna opened my mind. Rita taught me to cook and gave great advice. They were always there to listen, and they motivated me to do good. I could talk to them instead of getting angry.” At Maple House, Sabrina learned the importance of surrounding herself with kind-hearted people who not only care about her, but also continuously build her up to be the woman she was born to be. She has been sober for nearly two years and is the proud mother of two young girls.
By 7000873882 January 23, 2025
Eduardo checked the gas gauge of his green Honda and realized he was almost empty. With no cash, no home, no job, and no family, he knew where he needed to go. And he had JUST ENOUGH gas in his tank to get there. From the age of sixteen, Eduardo had been abusing drugs and alcohol. In the summer of 2005, he began hanging around a rough crowd and started smoking cigarettes, then weed, then meth. Rock bottom came three years ago when he and his fiancé moved to Las Vegas. “I started stealing and lying; spending all my checks on gambling and drugs. I lost my fiancé; I lost my brother’s, my sister’s and my parents’ trust.” Eduardo ended up living on the streets with only his car and his luggage. That’s when his brother told him about Cedar House, and Eduardo realized he had just enough gas to get there. He arrived at 10 p.m. on June 27, 2017. He said, “I was tired. I just wanted to stop and relax. I didn’t want a pipe in my mouth.” The next morning, he learned that Cedar House had a waiting list to be admitted into the residential program, but Eduardo had no place to go. He stayed outside in his car waiting until a bed came available. He spent the next 45 days at Cedar House working on changing his life. Eduardo said, “At first, I didn’t like going to group (meetings), but eventually I thought to myself, ‘I’m setting myself up for failure.’ That’s when I started doing the work, especially learning about my triggers.” Between learning certain types of music that triggered his addiction to meeting individuals who would significantly impact his life, the Cedar House experience made an indelible mark on Eduardo. He said, “When you’re trying to recover, you’re so vulnerable, but there were some amazing gentlemen that really helped me along.” One man in particular changed the course of Eduardo’s life in a way he never expected. He said, “I made the decision to leave (Cedar House) because I had reached the peak of my withdrawal. I had so much going through my mind and so many emotions going through me. If I left, I would have just gone straight back to doing the same things, and things would be a whole lot different right now. But Michael stopped me. He sat me down and had a powerful chat with me. He calmed me down and gave me the strength to continue the program. That man really cares about the people at Cedar House.” We couldn’t agree more. Michael Rodriguez is the Men’s Residential Coordinator at Cedar House and an EPIC Life Changer. We’re thankful to him for his compassion and persistence. And we’re thankful that Eduardo took his advice and persevered. After graduating from Cedar House, he went to work at his brother’s restaurant. Soon after, he reconnected with his fiancé and children in Las Vegas where he began working at a facility making plastic polymers for medical devices. It’s work that has been steady for him and his family even during these challenging months of the pandemic. Eduardo says he would not even consider doing drugs again now that he has made so many positive changes in his life. Thankfully, he had just enough gas in the tank and determination to continue with his treatment to change his life.
More Posts →
Share by: